21 February Journal

Good Morning everyone!! Its Sunday,!!!. Like the name says, it is also sunny WOO HOO!!!
We were in a Frozen tundra since Thursday before Valentines day. We had record cold and record snow fall recorded. I can also Say, I may have seen this much snow in my life as a total. Never at one time. Over 10 inches. My daughter having similar and yet worse issues back home with no water, no power and a host of other things happening. Now that we are above freezing and things are melting, maybe we can get back to normal. Which is a wonderful thing. I now have a taste of what winter will be like farther north like Montana. Though they are better equipped to handle these things unlike we are here. There have been tractors sitting in parking lots. Piles of snow taller than I am all over the lots of businesses. As I went to get my groceries and some car parts I found more snow than I could possibly imagine. A once in a lifetime storm took over a big part of the country. Sunny Days ahead I am hoping.

Next on the list of discussion this morning, before I get to a bigger story, Bladder infection. I Am still drinking tons of water and cranberry juice. I am still cloudy and am worried. Since we were shut down for over a week I have not yet heard back from the doctor. I finally got the painful spasms under control. I have read every treatment for home of the infection. It all has helped and yet, I still feel I am not right. It is now tolerable at least. I am still tired to fast and the need to sleep hits through out the day. Yesterday I succumbed to the sleep and took a nap for about an hour. I may do the same today also. I do feel a bot better today. I got out yesterday and got some fresh air. I had enough energy that I cleaned the bathroom and the fridge, started laundry and worked on getting the sheets changed out. This has been a total mess of a thing I have been in. At least I am feeling I am making progress. Those cholesterol meds really took a toll on me along with the bladder issues. I am really tired of talking about it nearly as much as I am tired of dealing with it.

So as the course of this week has progressed, I received a message on a dating site. The email received shortly after I woke up that day. HIs message much different in wording was much different than I was accustomed to. Something also airy and intriguing. So I read his profile, looked at his picture, read the horoscope, and messaged him back. Next thing I know we are on an instant messaging app and chatting. Things seem to be Progressing good. I hope. I may be jumping the gun by writing about his here. As Every time I do write about this kind of thing, the hopeful relationship fails quickly. There is something different here that I have never felt before. At least not a very long time. Decades maybe. So as this has all come to happen, many deep hidden desires have come to surface. Those are in the sub realm of BDSM. I had buried the desires several years ago as I tried to make a name and life for myself as a newly single woman with no real direction. I do have a direction now and it a wonderful way, I wonder if that direction would change. He has not yet judged me for who and or what I am. Neither has the Ham Radio friend I have that I am not talking to as much as I used to. This whole change of mind during my med induced uncaring took a toll on that relationship also. I have high hopes this go around with the new fellow. I Am staying Grounded and looking at the possibilities and changes. Plusses and minuses of the whole changes that could happen. I am still worried that I would fail once again. Lots of failing fears come to my mind. I will have to see what happens, as we are still in step one. Step two being we actually meet and see what happens from there. Yes even with my high hopes I Am staying well grounded feeling and watching the ideas and ways to make an informed decision when the time comes. Yes, my Virgo self is dominating the scenes and well, maybe I need to let myself go and flow into a relationship with love and abandon rather than over thinking everything like I normally do. Other stirrings deep in my nether regions have been really strong as well. Go figure. So my desires to write erotic stories has also returned with those desires of real time experiences.

So folks, I have to get back on chores for the day. I need to get the sheets on the bed, go for a drive maybe, hopefully maybe I can get my much needed radio time. I hope you all have a great day everyone!! Stay warm and if possible, I hope you all thaw out soon. Have a wonderful day everyone!!

Love Candi

14 February Journal

Good Morning Americans, its SUNDAY!!! The day of doing what you want before the ever dreaded manic Monday. Can You believe it is already Valentines day??? Gosh where has this year gone already. I have no Valentine sweetie to give or receive from. This is normal and, for those that have one, regardless of how long, do something together and let each other know that you are in love with them. I envy you and am in some ways jealous. LOL

Here in the land of Dixie, we are in a deep freeze. This all started about Wednesday Night. At my house I never made it to 20 degrees. Last night got down 12 degrees and is currently 13 degrees. We are to be getting more sleet, freezing rain and snow coming later today and through tomorrow. Then Monday night, single digits, clear on Tuesday then again on Wednesday & Thursday, more winter precipitation. I am not sure we will make it much above 20 degrees this week. This is going to kill my failing check book. It takes a lot of energy to heat the house here. WE will be shut down again this week for sure. I am ready for some warmer weather. However, I am enjoying the cold weather also to a point. We do need to kill off and reduce the pesky insects that are horrible here in the area due to the water and foliage. We have not really had a winter in a couple years. This year is turning into a doozy.

So folks, There has not been much in my cooking front. With this whole bladder thing going on, I have not eaten much. Been working on finding the root cause. I have drastically reduced the meat in my diet. That is none so far since Wednesday. Yes there has been some protein added from other sources. It seems to be working, as things are seemingly moving in the right way. Though I am still fighting this. The trip to the doctors on Wednesday has left only questions. I was passing stones which, I think those have moved on now. I am not 100% sure if I am still fighting an infection. Research on that and the stones has led me to reducing the meats, changing the foods otherwise to assist in fighting the infection. I was not prescribed any antibiotics as of this time. I am fearful of the antibiotics as I believe the ones I was on caused the stones. So part of the week was toast with cinnamon on it bland potatoes either baked or mashed after being boiled. Then I began to add a little more flavor of garlic and onion powder. As I was researching more and more, I have began to add a few other things to my diet. Salt has been all but totally removed from the table. A little if the dish is having that metal flavor that comes with no salt. Such as the beans, cabbage and rice I made yesterday. I am going very slow with my adding of things to my diet. I am eating only what is down right needed to keep me moving. I can say overall, I am feeling much better. I have lost about 10 pounds this week. Maybe that isnt exactly healthy to do in a weeks worth of time but the changes are needed in my diet. Another thing I have not had is milk or cheese. I made some chicken dish the other night when I was feeling better, keeping it as bland as possible. Adding some cream of mushroom soup resulted in a painful day the next day. I have some stuff I have cooked that I am not sure I want to eat after all this. It is funny how certain things can drastically change a persons thoughts of what they are willing to do in the name of personal health. I can assure you I have had enough water this week to fill a few lakes around here. Maybe even the mighty Mississippi river. That doesn’t include the cranberry and orange juice I have had either. I am thinking I am solely responsible for keeping the cranberry folks in business. LOL>>>

Well Everyone, It is time to get back on my chores for the day. I need to get some finished up as they are taking me twice as long as they should. Not because I cant do it, but because I am constantly running somewhere due to the above issue. I also need to prep more for the oncoming ice and snow. I have not even been outside yet today or even opened the door. I do need to step out for a few minutes to see what is happening. Have a Wonderful day everyone!!!

Love Candi

7 February Journal

Good Morning everyone, its Sunday. Cloudy and cold today. I am a little worn out after yesterdays excursion out with my best friend. We haven’t ran out to another town for a day shopping trip in like forever. We had a blast. I got my fix of my favorite fast food taco place and she got her first taste of it. We were both in heaven eating while sitting in the car. I was taken back again to my childhood and the flavors still the same. She was enjoying a new taste in fast food taco that is in a league of their own from their competitor at the sill bell place. Bueno has the best flavor, and usually the best service. As with all the places there are those that are totally having a bad day or may be just bad anyways. But yesterday I was loving my favorite place that I have eaten at for now on 40 years. They started in my home town about the same time I was born. As my bestie got all foodie over the flavors that are great she too said it was a do over.

So I got a new pair of heels. Like a really need heels in my world of 6+ feet of height. But I do wear them sometimes lower sometimes a little higher. I never know from one day to the next what I want to wear. But I needed a boot that was heeled and workable at my job when I am actually at the job. Lately that has been a little lacking. No going in to the shop or office lately unless I just absolutely have to be there. I am sure more of those days will be coming as we are making changes at work. These are a black heel low top bootie closed toe at 4 inches of heel. Like I really need another 4 inches to put up in the clouds. But I have to say, I do rock heels rather well most of the time. Some days I don’t feel like a heel a day. So I am in sneaker mode or some kind of flat. That isn’t to say every thing requires a heel either. Anyways, we were shopping through another store and she said look at this. I looked and was like in love with the pants. They were obviously to long for my bestie, I put them up to myself, held the crotch in place and and saw they looked like a length fit for me. Then was told by the store attendant that I could try them on. Stepping out, what a wonderful fit of pants. I was totally in love. The waist came up high enough, they were comfy and also, the kicker of it all, LONG ENOUGH….OMG. I never find any pants that the waist is high enough, or even better yet, the length. So I am happy with the Bell bottomed, corduroy pants that fit so wonderful. I did get a top to match with the pants so I have an outfit.

Well Folks, nothing was really happening on the cooking front around here. Trying to determine new recipes with less cholesterol laden foods has been tough. Everything is either some kind of processed or full of meat fats that are not good on my cholesterol levels. Not that I was that high prior to the meds that left me in a health mess. I obviously cannot just toss out the foods I have on the shelves and in the freezer/fridge. Replacement foods are leaner on some fronts, more and more veggies with less sauces on them. It has been a tough replacement based on the lacking shelves at the grocery. So I am working on that. I have added orange juice to my diet as well as keeping the cranberry juice. I been reducing the milk. Mostly because of the whole bladder crap that doesn’t seem to want to go completely away. I am still fighting that as I have another stone passing that I was thinking was a pulled muscle from a few days ago. That pain of the pulled muscle has moved and is now evident that its a stone moving. Talk about getting old. Anyways Lots of things happeing in the change department here.

Speaking of the whole kidney stone thing. As I read on them, they can be caused with the anti-biotics. I am not sure if that is the case with me or even true. However, it does seem that I can get a bladder infection, then end up with a stone several days after the antibiotics are stopped. Lack of fluids also can cause them. But I know for a fact that if I drink anymore fluids I may drown. I only drink a little coffee in the mornings, then either cranberry or orange juice. Used to have more milk in my diet than I am now. Now its not even on the plate due to these damn bladder issues. I am glad that I am not having the issues I was when I as taking the cholesterol meds. This battle that started last night has been much easier to work through thus far. It will be fluids in almost excess today to get this thing flushed out. Other wise I feel fine and dandy, well, aside from a lack of sleep due to being up a while last night when this started.

Ok so before I have a fogetful moment again, I am reminded that it is Stuporbowl Sunday. The day where the last 4-5 months of play ball comes to the end with those wonderful commercials. Sadly, we are all, no not me. Yes, most folks are going to be glued to a screen where a bunch of guys get all violent over a stupid little piece of pig skin stuffed with a black rubber balloon filled with air. They will pound anyone who holds the ball. Almost like a great game of violent keep away. Dont get me wrong, I have my team and I watch when I get a chance or they are aired here locally. What I don’t do is stop my world and remove all outside just because of a silly game. I do know some folks that will not tend to any emergency during the time that foot ball is on the screen. If it their favorite team forget even the need to go potty. “Hey man, give me that catheter so I dont have to go the restroom and miss anything.” I can hear those words from any number die hard stuporbowl fans. No matter what folks, please be safe with your super bowl festivities during this trying time of the pandemic. Enjoy the game your friends and family if you are getting together with anyone. I am not personally big on sports. I will watch here and there but I am just not into it that much. I will most likely be in bed before the half time starts if I make it that long.

It is about time to close this silly post from yours truly. I am planning on getting the laundry put away then possibly just lay on the bed and take a nap. That is if I dont get disturbed as I always do on Sundays. It is going to be a day of resting for me for sure. I hope you all have a wonderful day and stay safe.

Love Candi

31 January Journal

Good Sunday Morning Everyone!! It is cloudy and cool here. Rain yesterday was nice as I feel it washed away some blues I been carrying with me for a few months. Most of that was a drug induced fog as I mentioned earlier in another post. Can you believe it is the last day of January 2021? OMG where did the month go. Now we are moving into the valentines day season. Not that I have a Valentine in my life. More on my thoughts there later.

I been a busy woman this morning since about 430 when I got some coffee in me. Been doing some more straightening up and trying to declutter the clutter of the lasts several months. Vacuumed and did dishes. Got the clothes dried and laid out to be put away. Showered and had breakfast. Worked on the clutter on the kitchen table, got the bottom of the leather skirt trimmed, started another skirt on the sewing machine. I still need to put the laundry away, and split the side seams on the leather skirt. I need to attempt some on air time with the radios and of course rest. If I Can find time to rest then I will be getting to feeling even better. I am trying not to over do my days as I am recovering from the bladder issue and the meds I was on along with the antibiotics I am taking for the bladder issue. Though I am not sure I had a true bladder issue.

I went yesterday and got my hair done. I was actually looking forward to it. I do hate being in there for 4 hours. I do have a lot of hair and especially the covering of the grays in my head.. I definitely look and feel lots better from that as well. It is a confidence booster to get your hair done and chat in the salon. Now that I am more myself and even more open due to the events of last week, I am starting to feel some weight lifting off me. That doesn’t help the fact I have no man in my life to assist with things around here. That is not the only reason I need or want someone around here. Cuddle time, sex time, laugh time, sharing of life and other things are all a reason to have someone around. Though when I was talking to my bestie on Friday evening at dinner, she made a statement to me. This was the idea of having someone in my house full time may not work to well. Since I have been alone for about 4 years now, I am settled in my single life of no one to talk to on a nightly basis, that I am able to come and go as I want with no discussion to anyone but myself. Well, I should ask if my bestie wants to go if its something out of town. Yet, I would like something exciting to have at the end of that day trip. A nice sexy and handsome cuddle bear to see and play footsies with. I am sure it will happen someday if I was to put myself out there more. I have to say this, I am not sure, after 4 years of being on my own doing what I need and want to do for my survival and happiness, if anyone could come in and take me away from my needs of solitude or freedom when I don’t need that solitude. I have someone I talk to on occasion. Sadly he isnt where I can see him when I need to. Then he kinda disappears for months on end before I hear from him. Then when he does talk, its a simple howdy and then most likely wont hear anything again for a while, sometimes months on end.

Over the course of this past week, since the events with my friend who ditched me with words of hate coming from somewhere, I was thinking that I too was or am holding on to way to much of the past. As I been decluttering things from the house again, I been searching for things that are not of sentimental value to get rid of. Even then some of that needs to disappear in my opinion. Sadly it becomes hard to dispose of something that is of such value that you simply feel guilty to get rid of it. One of the things I have that I REALLY want to replace is the hutch that my sister gave me. If I recall correctly, she wanted it back if I decided I didn’t want it anymore. Well, we have not been on speaking terms in 5 years or so, so I have a delema. That is what to do with this hutch when I find a replacement that is more my style and made of a wood that I want rather than a laminated faux wood. When I was given this hutch, for some reason my feeble brain and maybe some creative saleswomanship from my sister, I thought I was getting my grandmothers hutch. As I have been using this hutch daily for certain things in the kitchen, and have realized it was not what I thought it was. One, it has some “dead” space. Space that is either difficult to use or unusable in total. It is also not big enough for my personal preference. I am an antiquey and of use type of girl. It needs to be serviceable, usable and big enough to handle the jobs. Not to mention old and not perfect in its appearance. I like that lived and used feel. A refinished lacquered top that I did only to protect the wood from farther decay. I know that I want a replacement antique type hutch that is usable, and of at least 48 inches long though I prefer about 60 inches. I would LOVE a 72 Inch one. I don’t have the room for one that big as of now so I am trying to compromise on what I want and what I can find. So as I move or attempt to start moving forward and away from my past that I have been holding on to, it is going to be tear filled, uplifting, and liberating all at the same time. I have so much stuff to declutter from my life and I need to really move forward on that again like I had been.

Anyways Folks, it is time for me to get moving on my chores. Now that I am moving and feeling more like my pre-cholesterol meds self. That has been a big thing to get away from lately. Not to mention a learning lesson and a wake up call. I hope you all have a wonderful day!!!

Love Candi

29 January Journal

Good Morning Everyone!!! ITS FRIDAY!!! The YEEHAW day of the week. We hope anyways. I do and am feeling so much better. It is a wonderful sunny day so far here, it is cold and well I am enjoying it from the comfort of my home office. We are expecting rain and stuff again tomorrow. But I will be indoors getting my hair done Yipppeeee!

So, Back to the feel good thing. Yes I been totally in the dumps for several months and was getting worse by they day. An issue arrived from what I thought and hope still is one of my closest friends. Yeah I was distraught about. I still kinda am since I finally realized it wasnt exactly all my fault. Yes it was my fault but it was drug induced. See the cholesterol meds I was taking took its toll on me in so many ways. One of those as the time finally told, was a mental total disconnect and uncaring of anything. I have to say my friend giving me the what for and backing away was a life saver. If had that not happened, along with the unrelenting bladder issues I would not have stopped taking the stuff and then seeing through hind sight what was really happening. That med slowly took over in a mental and physical way. I got to losing interest in things, i was having issues focusing, my feet and knees were changing colors, I didnt want to eat, I said stupid things, Felt the world was closing in on me like I have never felt before, had unexplainable muscle cramps in random, and just simply didnt care what was happening to me. I guess I did care to a point, yet I didnt. I just made excuses to myself about the whole thing. Then, after last Friday going to the doctor again with the extreme pain of going pee that started again about 24 hours after the antibiotics stopped, I really started thinking more about a the second visit when I was asked what changed. So my best guess is this, the cholesterol meds were causing the dont care attitude, the cramps and the bladder problem. A couple days after starting antibiotics again for the 3rd time, nothing was changing. SO I took my self off the cholesterol meds. Only because I had reduced myself to nothing but the blandest of foods and nothing changed there either. So about 48 hours after my last dose of the cholesterol meds, I actually slept, the pain of going potty was all but gone, I was caring again, I was engaged in my work and my desire for my hobbies was returning. My shakes and cramps are now less. As I was looking back, I am not sure I actually started out with a bladder infection, but a cramp or muscle spasm of the pelvic floor muscles. This was causing me to have to push like I had a bad case of constipation just to simply go pee. This also forced me to begin bleeding from the straining. It did feel somewhat like I was passing a stone but way worse. I am happy to report that, that too has gone away now too. The returning to a mental normal is taking a bit longer. I am not disconnected like I was. I am also not dreading being awake or feeling that I need to be back in bed after my normal morning coffee. Some how my “automatic pilot” was on and I just trudged through the days, one day blending to the next. Much like a bad nightmare you cant wake up from. Even the changes in upper leadership of my country had no happy meaning to me. That was sad, very sad…..
I am having to relearn to send my morse code again, I could not even send code correctly. Constant mistakes in that and my sewing, not to mention my work. OMG I was just totally messed up. sadly it was such a gradual change over the course of 60 or so days that I never really noticed it. What I did notice, I was at a point of simply not caring. I am slowly getting back into more normalcy in my thoughts. My energy is returning slowly but more and more each day. I have been cleaning up the cluttery mess that I simply let go over the last few months. It was a rough time and I am so glad to be out of it. You just dont know how bad I was in a dumpy place. I hope this never happens to anyone. I hope anyone that is the cholesterol meds will notice if this kind of thing happens to them.
I have noticed and always did that the med commercials on the TV have more side effects than the thing they are treating. Some of those side effects are even worse that what they are treating. Please if you are prescribed something, ask questions, read on the drug for what could be a possible side effect. Sometimes these side effects can be deadly and not worth the time to take. Other times, depending on the person, they may not have any side effect or a minimal side effect. I was not in that latter category. So it is important to pay mind to what changes are happening in your body and thoughts when starting any new medication. My doctor does not know I have stopped taking my cholesterol meds. I am sure I will end up telling him. I have another week of antibiotics to take that I am not sure I need, but will continue. They are making me groggy about mid-day. Something I can live with as I am still engaged unlike the cholesterol meds.

So I have a hair appointment tomorrow. A week and a half after I called to get an appointment. I was dreading it until I got off the meds, now I am happy to see it coming to fruition. Meant to go in sometime in December. I never did. I know I need to go more than I do. It just gets hard to get away sometimes. Then lets not mention the above story of doom. It is supposed to start raining again tomorrow so there wont be much antique shopping to do. I need to get my care cleaned up anyways. Well, the inside, it has turned into a disaster also. A lot like my is now HAHAHA! I just have not decided if I want to change anything about my hair yet. I keep thinking about it but never really find anything that will suit my weird face shape or hair line. My face and hair looks are a mix of Lauren Bacall and Lola Albright. Yeah I know old people someone closer to my age would be Kristen Johnston in the face in her years on 3rd rock. I am not sure of her hair line though> I think it was similar to mine. Then I have this funky bald spot on the front at my part line so I end up running my bangs from the other side to help conceal it. Maybe I need to flaunt it. I just have not decided on that yet. It is a thought though.

I been working on some pajamas for myself in the sewing department. Let me say, the pants came out perfect. The top, though it looks good, I messed up the arm holes. They are to tight in the arm pit. A little learning curve there. I am all but done with my leather skirt. It still needs to have the bottom trimmed and a slit up the sides. Maybe I can get that done when I finish the PJ top. The PJ top is only needing Button holes and buttons put on. I been working on that all week for an hour a day after work is done. There is also a spot I missed on the collar where it attaches. I am not overly worried about the mishaps. No one will see them anyways. I can say that if nothing else, the length of the pants and the arms are great since I figured that out. The pants are also correct in the tush making it look a bit decent for a PJ party. HIHIHI. I got another pattern for some pants that are like culottes but really long and flowy. With my height I can certainly pull that off. I have some solide brown material to use for that. It is a heavier textile material that I can wear in the winter months. I have another pattern for some pants that will use a different material that is lighter which I picked up at the fabric store last week. A white with squares of brown, gray and black on it. Those squares are not all solid on the print. I think they will look great. I learned that when I buy material for a pattern, I need to extend the amount of material so I always round up to the next higher even number of yardage. I obviously have plenty to keep me busy and out of trouble on the weekends. Though my bestie and I are planning to go to Little Rock AR for a shopping trip and some good ole Taco Bueno that I need very badly. The bell of tacos is just crap and flavorless in my opinion. Maybe I can flaunt a new outfit when we go. One of wonderful hand craftedness made from the great CANDI!!!!

Well Folks, I need to get back to working. Not that I have a lot going on today. I did manage to catch up on what was needing done this week since I removed that dreaded medicine out of my daily routine. I do need to sit here ready to work and work on my buttons and holes. That way I can wear my new PJ top and bottom outfit YAY!!!
Have a wonderful day everyone!!!

Love Candi

24 January Journal

Good Sunday morning everyone!! It is raining here in more ways than one. I am still fighting bladder or Kidney issues. I for one am totally done with that. I Am hating this whole kidney problem. Back on antibiotics for another 14 days. I am not sure what is happening. I have had to ditch a number of things. Spicy foods, milk products are the most of it. Mostly soups and tons of water or juice to get through this. I hope I get through it in a good way.

Now the reason I am in the rain mentally. Aside from all the things going on in my country, I have recently lost or at least for now (hopefulness of not) my oldest dearest friend. Yeah we have known each other for the better part of 25 years. We been through a lot together and a lot apart. I sometimes hate her, other times mostly I love her to death. She had been a good thing in the early days of my transition. That is something I do not discuss here anymore much at all. I moved on from the “transition” to being more and more Candice. My old self is all but gone. That old person will always be a part of who I am and how I got here. There are certain parts that will never ever go away no matter what I do. But my friend has been dealing with her own problems. Not to mention a host of things from the last 5-8 years but a lifetime of things that have been swept under the rug. Some of that stuff includes me and others in her life. There has been a lot of pain for her and she is dealing with it. I hate to her going through it. I did spend today writing her a heartfelt and lengthy all but total goodbye. I to have had a horrible past 10 or so months. I have had to deal with a host of things that I never expected. Many of those things are the same things that many others in the world are dealing with. Not only the normal hate of things out of the box. We have the whole election issue that I am not sure if it is over completely or not yet. We have rioters being totally stupid and a man who pushed and pulled to create more hate since WWII. We have the pandemic issue causing job loss and depression. We can’t do what we want how we want anymore. We are confined to a mask with no idea of smiling being seen no matter how hard some people have tried to smile with their eyes. We struggle to breath through a piece of plastic or cloth. Which is totally different that the other reason one person died from not breathing. So a whole thought process of a mask changed in my mind after that event. We have lost family and friends and a number of other things. These all have brought out the under the rug issues that needed to be dealt with. This is one of those things that I feel caused the relationship to start to be pained or stressed. We both have had to deal with these things. We have had to try and be a part of a new world. We talked to each other and usually only when one or the other was feeling down. That made the strain even more so. I am going to miss her for what ever time it is. I am not 100% sure that we will ever start talking again.
I know for a fact that I need to work on myself. I have let myself get into a funk from being fired about three times. Actually it was only a layoff but still it took a hard toll on how I felt about myself. The last few months have a stress filled ordeal of where do I fit in the work place I have, after being laid off. Am I important to them or anyone else for that matter. I am single and have no one to cry on. I have my bestie here locally that I have not relied on as much as I did my other friend. Maybe that was a mistake. You know, if you lean on the post long or hard enough, that post will eventually break. I think I May have done that. I tried to back off and with no outlet, well, that made me even more in the hole I was in. I could have gotten out of it if I wanted to. I was feeling sorry for myself. For as smart as I am, I am also stupid. I could let a lot of things go, but in true Virgo Fashion, I hold onto everything. Though on the outside most of the time I look calm and collected, I am more of a duck on the water. On the surface all graceful in the world, underneath I am paddling like there is no tomorrow. I have been stress eating, that is eating to much at one time, to many times a day. I think that is why I am having kidney issues. So I been stopping my quantity eating from stress and trying to eat less and move toward a healthier diet instead of the glutinous diet I have been on the last few months since I went back to work. I can say I am starting to feel better in someways. I just need to get this back to normal, friends included. I did spend yesterday with my bestie doing what I could. We were both ready to be back into PJ’s and sitting in our homes and vegging out.

Since I am not much into vegging out, I came home and started sewing again. I should have taken time on the radio but didn’t. I been working from home and sitting in front of the radios everyday the last couple weeks. I think that is why I am not getting in there to play on the radio. I only have so much room in my house so my office and radio room are one in the same. I am almost done with my leather skirt. I need to trim the bottom and put a split in the sides. I tried it on and walked around the house finding that I had to Geisha walk to walk in it. So I need a split in the side for walking. Leather does not have much if any give in it. It is a cute skirt.
We went to the fabric/project store yesterday. I needed some fabric and looked at the Patterns. I bought three patterns, two for pants of a cute type that can be worn in a professional manner and be cute and sassy at the same time. So I been engrossed on the sewing front lately. A way to deal with the stress above from the world. What Can I say. Now, what I need to do is find the balance of the two and have time for both and not get burned out on one or the other.

Well Peoples, I hope you have a wonderful day!! I am glad I have this one outlet to speak what is on my mind. I don’t air out my dirty laundry toward a specific person here, or I should say I try not to. I do speak my mind and use this platform to deal with the things that are bothering me. I do have other outlets for more personal things that I do not wish to speak out in this place. I am not on that facebook looking around though I have an account there. I Am not on twitter or any other media as I find that all a way to start more BS that should be handled in person. So I have removed certain parts of my life from the forefront of the world so no one can see my pain or I their idiocy. There is enough of that on facebook without me needing to contribute to or have to see it.

Love Candi

17 January Journal

Good Sunday Morning Everyone! There is some sun today and has been peeking around the last days. Which has been a wonderful mental boost for me. Especially since I have been down in the dumps for several days. More on that later. There has not been a lot of things around her to talk about honestly. I recall there was a dish I was going to report on. Now I can’t remember what that was. I will have to look.

We really all been in a tizzy lately. Since this is forefront of everyone in the world and especially the USA. The staggering numbers of covid are on everyone’s mind. Even with a vaccine out and available, there seems to be no end to this virus. Now over the course of the last few weeks, there has been talk of another version of the virus making its way around also. What a bloody mess. Then we have no leadership from anywhere on a large scale. Only each city fending for itself. The current direction shows we will all be closed up again if they and even more so US as INDIVIDUALS don’t start taking this seriously. If you are going to be in a close proximity of others put you mask on. I am not saying wear this mask thing in your car, at home or jogging in the park when no one else is around. We all have a duty to protect ourselves and each other. As we have witnessed, the government has no plan to do anything besides fight or cause fights to take away things that we are all used to. The freedoms we are so accustomed to, I am fearful they will be taken away. I am still worried about the next few days as well as the months to come under the new “management”. We all have to do our part to be good and patriotic, law abiding citizens. Things are obviously going weird the last 365 days or so. I am also finding myself watching the news way more than I ever did. I hardly watched and now I am looking at the local news at least twice a day and looking at the internet off and on during the day. This is to see what is happening in case I need to hunker down and protect myself even more so than I am now. I am just appalled at the people I am seeing in the news. I would have never thought that there is that many people that are so stupid. Many being worse than the south end of a north bound mule. Anyways folks, Back to the virus, we have to believe in what we the people as a whole spoke. We all voted for whom we wanted, we all went into a booth, wrote our selections and put them in the box. The box was counted, the tallies made and the winner announced. We do hope that the count was correct. I believe that it was based on the fact that no one has actually came out and said here it is, the votes tossed assigned that said “X” on it. Surely we would be told of such a problem. Next we wonder if that is true. We all will. But the majority of the people will sit and make different votes the next time, or sadly not vote at all. Due to a few, much like the few that refuse to wear a mask, those that are super die hard blind idiots who believe we need a blatant dictator and ass hole in the white house. Those few have probably cost us things that we will miss when they are gone. Then things will get even worse. Sadly, I dont think that the justice is correct here. The people storming the capitol are being punished when the people of the riots, or the idiot that killed a poor man causing the riots were all let go free. With the statement that nothing wrong was done. There are to many double standards that totally unfair.

OK so, The mixed beans, cabbage and sausage with the corn bread from last week was a wonderful and tasty meal. so much so that it lasted nearly all week and none was tossed out. YAY!!! The beans were of the Pinto, Black and Navy beans. Onions sausage and of course the star of the dish, CABBAGE>>>>> So again tonight I will do a sausage and cabbage stirfry type thing. Extra veggies and not as mushy. I am hoping to make it a bit with a fresh veggie crunch to it. But yet, be hot enough to enjoy properly. Last nights dinner was an off shoot of Frito Pie. I love Frito Pie but I dont love the price of Fritos. SO I made it with standard old corn chips. A layer of corn chips, a layer of chili, then cheese and then starting over with another layer of chips. Ending with a layer of chips, then cheese and some red pepper flakes and a few jalapeno slices. In the oven for about an hour and YAY a wonderful now called “TACO PIE”. Actually it tasted more like my mommas Christmas Enchiladas. The beef ones. It was still good and a wonderful thing. I have leftovers and will be eating for a few days for sure.

I spent yesterday working on my leather skirt some more. I got to the point where I needed some assistance via a pattern. So I took off to the fabric store. I had forgotten a lot about reading the back of a pattern. Turns out I got a pattern that was to small. I really wish that the sizes would be more standardized. I mean think about it. You go Walmart, buy a size 10 and its a 12 or even a 14 at another place. Same goes for any other place. I went to JC Penney once and bought a dress, it was a 16 I think, But in other places it would be a 14. SO I looked at the pattern and bought one going up to a 14. Since that is what I normally wear in a dress. So I thought. As I looked at the sizes when I got home, I see that the sizes are bit small based on my own measurements. What a dope I was when I went in there and bought what I thought I wanted. I did decide to use the pattern and move it out an extra inch per part to make what I hope will be the correct size. That number came after some measuring and some math. I will have to see what will come of this crazy skirt. I have learned a few more things as I always do. I will make another leather skirt in the future. I do not think I will make it in a piece meal way that I am doing this one. Thinking about it I may end up making that other skirt and get it done before I even finish the other one. Now some of you are wondering why I am I making something that I could simply go purchase. One is that I have a lot of material left from other projects. Then to do this one I had to get something extra to make it more colorful. Now you have to remember, I am like 6’4″ tall. Most dresses and or skirts, not to mention anything else mostly, is always to short for my Amazonian frame. If I wear most my skirts where they should be, they are about mid calf and should be at least ankle length. I have taken to making up my own leather skirt and will probably venture out into other things. This is something I have always wanted to do. Make my own clothes. I have toyed with it through my whole life and usually ended up with help or simply giving up. Now, I don’t know what changed, but I am more determined to do it. So I also have to ensure I have time for other hobbies and not get into any hurry. But As time moves on I will have several pieces of my own design and that fit more properly my height.

Well Folks, I am needing to move on to my chores. I hope you all have a wonderful day. I am resting today as much as possible.

Love Candi

10 January Journal

Good Sunday Morning everyone. It is time for another installment of my blog. I am not sure where I need to begin. There is a chance for snow of flurries there of. It is winter here and it is finally actually cold here. Not enough to bring the roads and dirt low enough to stick yet. I suspect we may get something of significance before winters end. I am personally looking forward to it actually.

I have been working from home since Tuesday. My laundry was few and easy and nearly done. A pair of pants didn’t dry all the way so back into the dryer it went. I went back to doctor on Wednesday to bee seen about the bladder infection. Let me tell ya folks, I waited way to long. By the time I got there, I was hurting so bad that I didn’t care what I looked like. Turns out that I was passing a stone, infected and just overall in bad shape. This is all due to my not drinking any water one day. As I learned and paid mind to over my own experiences, I have to keep drinking fluids. Not so much the coffee or soda, though those are better than absolutely nothing. You don’t want to be drinking a lot of sports drinks either. May I say, water water water, yes you need other drinks such as fruit drinks, lemonades or something to replenish nutrients. Even Pedialyte is better than the sports drinks. However, you need to drink water and stay flushed and healthy. Anyways, blood and other things were present in my sample. I was asked what may have caused it. I related back to the initial infection that was a start to the nearly month long fight of an infection. So As I about lost my voice, passed several stones and finally now, am feeling better, I am still exhausted from the ordeal and may even take a nap today. I know it will be well deserved. No radio today I don’t think. I am just simply needing a down day. I have not even hardly opened the front door since Wednesday. I just didn’t feel like opening it. With it cold and dreary and cloudy, I just basically was hiding from the world.

So all the while I am dealing with that, I get a call from my bestie on Wednesday evening. She asked if I was watching the news. I replied no. As we all know now, there were a bunch of sorry people wreaking havoc at the Capital of the USA. I am sad to report some things I have heard and also witnessed over my life. First, I am appalled at the attack on our capital. Those that were involved are no better than the terrorists of the 911 bombing/attacks or even the Japanese attackers on Pearl Harbor. Those same people will probably state they are not like that, which I will have to reply “then why did you go and create a situation where people feared for their lives and at least 5 lost their lives?” These folks are not only terrorists in my opinion, they are also representative of the idiocy and brain washing of single corrupt and dangerous person. Much like Hitler, this man has caused more and more hate in our country. These people that are super followers are to be untrusted as much as the villain’s of the comic books. Now back to where I was going. There were things and places I considered Hallowed or Sacred. Cemeteries, funeral parlors, Churches regardless of the religion, mother, father, family, our institution of congress, senate and white house. As my life has gone by, I have seen cemeteries defaces, grave makers stolen or broken. Then the funerals well, an actual funeral has yet to be disrupted. I ahve begun to also see churches and other places or worship being blown up stripped of their beauty that was the reason they have become so popular in the art world. Now, we go and destroy the hallowness of the capital building, breaking things and removing things that are one, not yours; two, has a representation of our history for all to see. You could see those in a peaceful visit to the capitol building with a tour. I am sure those will be gone forever now. Many of these same people have a claim to being a Christian. Did your bible change since I was in bible class? I do not recall the good book teaching hate, destruction of property and killing. I do know there has been a lot hate teaching emanating from the higher people of the churches. They have always twisted the scriptures to get a point across even if the content of the entire passage they took the sermon from had no reference to the content being taught. Still folks, our moral ideas have left the brain and heart it seems. All because of one person who probably has more hate in one finger than most people do in their whole being. So, moving forward, we all have right to protest and make our thoughts and feelings known. We do not have the right to take life, property, or destroy. We should not create in any way shape or form a RIOT that causes the above. Whether we like it or not, the president will be our president no matter what happens or who it is. You can say that so and so is not your president, sadly that is not true. If you want to remove that from yourself, then you need to leave this country and live someplace else. You people who stormed the capitol in protest and wreaked havoc and forced the death of others, I hope you see what has happened due to your actions. I hope you get your senses about you and hopefully turn yourself in or at least attend the funerals of those whom you were a part of their deaths. I hope you morn all the things, you and your colleagues have taken from the rest of us. Those are certain items physically, lives, and the freedoms that will now end up being removed that some of us worked to keep. LAStly, I never would have thought I would see this kind of thing here much less in my own life time. I am saddened at the events and have no intents to say they were right at all. If you do not like the people that are in the building you stormed, please vote them out!!!

On to food everyone!! Today will be cabbage, beans and sausage. I Will probably make up some cornbread to go with the meal. I cant see not having cornbread with this. I made some spaghetti on Friday. I have to say, it had to be the bestest of the bestest spaghetti I have ever made…. I was just in awe of the flavors that were melded in a melody of mild Mexican spice and Italian flavors. It was just great. Anyway, I am not sure about how my beans and cabbage will come out. I am planning on pitting some onion chives and onion in the mix. Adding garlic to give a little more flavor. I think I will be using some beef bullion in the broth. I will have to report on the dish next week. If I can recall it LOL!!

I am to be working from home for a time. As the Pandemic Rages on, my bosses wife has been diagnosed with it. I had been making many statements to the fact that i do not wish to be at the job site due to the virus. I do not wish to be exposed un-necessarily when my work can be performed most of the time remotely. So now for the time being I am working from home. So why should I open my front door? No ever comes to see me lol.
Anyways folks, I am done with my chatting for today. I hope you all have a great day!!!

Love Candi

3 January Journal

Good Sunday morning every one!! I am way late moving this morning. I was the same way yesterday. WOW I cannot believe I was in bed until daylight today, that is totally like wierd you know! Oh and as I finally open the front door, OMG!!! People the sun is shining!!! I have not seen sunshine since like Monday last week at best. It has been cloudy cold wet and sometimes for about 2 days pouring down rain. Shades will be opened for the sun effect of mood and health.

I did not write my normal New Years Day post toasting the new and biding farewell to the old year. With so much negative stuff in the year past I did not feel that I could have a real post that was of positive to the new year. Some of that has to do with the fighting bladder issues. Hopefully due to the fact I was drinking way to much water. IN all my looking yesterday evening, if one is to drink about 60-120 ounces of water a day, I was drinking about 4-6 times that amount in the days since wednesday. I did pass a couple stones, but all the water kept my bladder busy and no time to settle down. This usually happens after a bladder infection, pass a stone then go back on antibiotics for the ensuing infection. As I was talking to my bestie yesterday, she was like GIRL!!! You are drinking WAY!!! to much water. She’s like slow down, sip water, you only need about 60 ounces. So I went into a search mode, finding about 11-16 cups of water a day. When you do the math that comes out to 128 ounces a day on the top end. Which is about a gallon of water a day. Yes it is doable and you have to need that amount of fluid due to physical activity from sweating and other usage by the body as needed. I have a 32 ounce cup that I use all day every day. As I think about it, I usually drink about 3-4 of them full of water a day. The last few days I was filling it about once per hour on the lesser side, sometimes twice. That is about 256 ounces of water a day in 8 hours. This doesn’t include any coffee or cranberry juice that I have in the morning, nor the extra hours we as humans are actually awake. So I was more than double the amount of water I or anyone needed, except in the summer if I am outdoors in the heat. I think I was possibly closer to triple the amount of water I should be drinking a day given the max one should need. Last night after talking to my Bestie, I slowed way down on the water. I am not running to the potty every five minutes, I finally slept most of the night and feel better and seem to have more energy today than I have in days. Which that energy and fear of having to call the doctor again has kept me from doing what I wanted to do. Such as making more salsa or working more on my skirt I am making.

I had been given a bunch of meat from the neighbor. Mostly beef, that I do not eat a lot of. SO today I think I will take some of that and make a stir fry beef dish. I don’t know the details of how it will come out. So it will be a shoot from the hip kinda meal. Many of my meals or new ideas start just that way, from the hip. I haven’t made much food lately. What I have made has been simply stupid or soupy types of meals to attempt to rehydrate an already hydrated body. I have not had breakfast as of yet, I plan on making some eggs and sausage with cinnamon toast. I actually bought some bread yesterday and had been wanting some cinnamon toast. This I can say is wonderful. Put a little butter on one side of a slice or 6 of bread, a little sugar and some cinnamon above that. Usually I put more cinnamon than sugar compared to most. Then you put that on the cookie sheet and into the oven on broil for a couple minutes to melt the butter and sugar and cinnamon and brown the bread on one side. This is something I grew up with and love it. I tend to miss it especially in the winter. During the school months mom would make up some malto meal or cream of wheat with the cinnamon toast. Mom was good at making sure we had some kind of breakfast every morning. I will be working on that here in a few.

So as we know 2020 was like one of the worst years in the current history. 2021 has started out rather wet and miserable. But I do have hopes for a better year this year than has been in the past. I look forward to more learning of new things and hopeful relationship. I hope for lots of good things that were not to well available in 2020. I can say I am thankful for the things that did not happen to me. Such as contracting a virus, still having a place to live and food to eat. I am thankful that I have friends who we helped each other through the year with chatting and a few travels to certain things just to break the mundane. I was getting a bit worried and still have my worries to what could happen. What 2020 has taught us mostly, things can change in an instant. Health can go away just like that, you can end up jobless or even homeless and foodless in a simple act. That act this time was the inability to put a halt to travels knowing that the virus was extremely deadly. We as country were so worried about the taxes paid and revenue that we forgot that we needed to stay shut down and closed longer than we were. But we did learn that we have to ensure we take care of ourselves. we learned the giving spirit of people who have helped those in need. We have started moving forward even more so to equality, we are learning what it means be united. We have learned about division and sadly, it has carried into the business world also. We earned a stripe of “combat” for the getting through a tough year. We learned how to care for ourselves. Many of us spent much of our time off learning something new or relearning a hobby or item that had been put by the way side for the idea of working to keep ahead or for the ever wanted dollar. As we move into 2021 I will be letting go of certain things that were once me. My normal between Christmas and New Years cleaning did not happen as I had to work, and was fighting the above mentioned issue. So now that I am feeling better, with a shining sun, I am hoping and will plan on more and more happiness in my future. Decisions made and ideas thought about during my layoff periods have driven the need to do more of what I was already doing. As I passed the half century mark this year I know I also need to be more future thinking than I ever was before. I will be working more on being more happy and less sour than I have in the past, especially during the majority of 2020. I will be working on being more open to a relationship with someone but, have no intents on being abused or used. I am hoping to be more open about change to the workplace and career. I am hoping to move more and more forward in being a better person.

Well Folks, I am getting rather hungry and am way late eating. Which isnt a bad thing. I think I have rambled long enough now. The year 2021 will be better if we let allow it to be. If for no one else but ourselves. I hope you all have a wonderful day. Until we meet again, Happy Trails everyone!!!

Love Candi

27 December Journal

Happy Sunday Everyone! It is the final Sunday of the year 2020. The year has been a totally weird one for sure. The Year will surely not be forgotten in the memories of those of us old enough to recall such things. I for one am hoping that things turn around for everyone in world. Those turns I am hoping are for the better as we move through all the things that have gone wrong this year. I can say that the days have turned into a running of the next or even previous. Seemingly that they are all one big bad day of a few hours in a movie theater watching a movie that could never happen. It did happen and we are getting through the year as we always do with the best of hopes and intentions.

So, I been toying with this idea of a leather skirt. I miss the one I had. I had to get rid of it as I got a little chunky and I couldn’t fit into it. Or I should say I could not zip it up. I was sitting at my desk a couple months ago designing a dress. This was because I did not have anything to do at the time. So I set this idea on paper and it has since changed from one idea to another. The original Idea may be made still. I went through my leather scraps to see what I had. I looked at the colors, a couple shades of black, a reddish brown, and not much else. The idea hit me then to just use what I had. Making a patchwork type of leather skirt. I did make the trip to the leather supply shop. I got a blue color to go with what I have and so far it is turning out looking rather cute. This is definitely no one day skirt making. This is going to take a bit as it will be around 3 feet long to fit my long frame. In the dark, well I should say poorly lit room, I started piecing things together. It has become a challenge to decide what goes where, how should a shape fit into the garment. Then, as I think about it I wonder, do a panel the thing into about 4 panels? Do I make it all one long piece together instead of 3-4? Should I really make it calf length? As I ponder these questions and was sewing things together, I all but ran out of thread. I did run out of the heavy thread I am using on the bobbin, then as I respooled the bobbin, the primary spool had enough to do a couple small pieces. I decided it was time to stop and use that as the stitching to fix anything that was missed by the machine as I sew this stuff together. In a not so well lit area at night, keeping the pieces straight in the sewing machine was tough as I could not see where the material was butting together. I am using a zig-zag stitch and just butting the pieces to the next and sewing them that way. I do have a place that is rather messed up. I can fix it I think. I still will have to leave the house today and get some more thread. Not what I planned on doing. Oh yeah I have plenty of thread of the same weight, but not of the black I started using. ANyways Off I will go later to the shop to get more.

Food stuff for the holidays was supposed to be different than it was. No one was here to enjoy it. I did make a sausage, bacon, egg, and refried beans dish for Christmas Breakfast. It also included some serrano pepper and onions. THen I made fajitas for dinner. Spaghetti was the meal earlier in the week. Christmas was a day that I never opened the door, or even went outside. I stayed in and just pouted as I tend to do for Christmas these days. So I know for New Years, it will be Rice balls, some teriyaki chicken and veggies and of course, a southern USA thing, Black Eyed Peas. All for a symbol of good luck and purity in the new year. Something of hope I know we all need.

Well Folks, I am needing to rush off of the remainder of the day. Finish up the laundry that I Started at 5 am and cleaning the house. Then Deciding on dinner, Maybe just soup in a chicken broth. I hope you all have a great day!

Love Candi

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